CARING FOR ELDERLY PARENTS
By Kathleen Jordan,
Licensed Therapist & Certified Hypnotherapist
Mary was worried about her elderly mother, and didn't know what to do. Her mom, 84, lived by herself, and had recently taken a bad fall in her house. This was the third bad fall in several months.
When Mary went to help her mother, she was frightened by what she saw. The house, normally spotless, was a mess. Bills, which her mom typically paid on time, were piled up on the kitchen table, unopened. The refrigerator was almost empty. Her mother seemed dazed and confused.
What Mary noticed was a serious decline in her mother's ability to take care of herself. Mary realized her mother was no longer safe in her home alone, and needed assistance.
But Mary was confused. What kind of help did her mother need? How could she get her mother to cooperate with accepting outside support? Her mother insisted she was okay, and didn't need any help.
Mary was feeling frightened, powerless and alone about how to help her mother. She didn't know it, but Mary had just moved into the role of caregiver for her elderly parent, a role she shares now with millions of other adult children in the United States.
It can be very stressful, scary and confusing for an adult child when they recognize that their elderly parent needs help with daily living.
The good news is Mary doesn't have to figure it out alone. Help is available on the local and national level. It may take a little digging, and research, but support is there for every need her mother may require.
For an adult child who's now a caregiver to an elderly parent, the first, most important step to make is a mental change: family roles are now different. Your elderly parent is moving into a dependent role. And, you are moving into the role of "parent," the one who is now responsible.
By making this mental switch, you can take responsible control of making the decisions necessary to keep your parent as healthy, safe and independent as possible. You're doing the right thing.
The next step is to reach out for help to agencies that specialize in needs for seniors. You may want to start by talking to your parent's doctors, or even your doctor, for referrals to senior agencies that might help your aging parent.
If you have friends in a similar situation, ask them about what steps they've taken to help their elderly parent. Or, ask your church about help for the elderly. They may be able to refer you to senior resources in your community.
You can ask for help or referrals from your local hospitals, senior centers, senior assisted living homes, or caregiving companies. These people are the professionals, and they can give you answers to help you meet your parent's particular needs.
You can do some research in your yellow pages of the phone book, or search on the internet for resources to assist the elderly.
Another need to consider is obtaining the legal power to help your elderly parent. You may need to get the legal right to deal with your parent's finances, or to make other legal decisions for your elderly parent. Consult with a lawyer who specializes in needs for the elderly.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. This new world of caregiving is extremely challenging and stressful. Reach out for emotional support to other family members, trusted friends, your local church, a therapist, or to a local support group for caregivers. Reduce responsibilities or stress in other areas of your life.
It's often one of the most difficult tasks you'll take on. But remember why you took on the role of caregiver: To help your parent, who once cared for you. Your life, then, will have genuine meaning and purpose as you help your elderly parent with their final, life journey.